A weekly blog from a family made by adoption, warmed by the laughter, broken by the sadness, held together by love with a big dollop of hope, oh, and often soaked in mummy tears.
We had parents evening for Tall this week, it was on Wednesday , however before we could get to that we had another Tall incident to deal with.
Monday afternoon the school’s phone number flashed on the screen of my phone. It has been a while since I last received an unsolicited call from the school but it still managed to send anxious shock waves through my body.
The outcome was, there had been an incident but it had been dealt with. Tall had spent some time in isolation, that afternoon and it was all over. However, could I please talk to Tall about taking responsibility for his actions in school?
Tall went off to a friend’s for tea and bounced back home all very happy. So we sat to have a talk about the day’s events.
Within minutes I had a stroppy, uncooperative Tall on my hands. The problem seemed to be that Tall felt he had not done what the school were accusing him of. I, by instigating a conversation about the day were now on the side of the school and was therefore a “b***h and a cow”. Cue a bit of a tense hour as dad wasn’t home and Tall seemed very volatile. I left him in his room and we didn’t see him again that evening.
Thankfully Tall had calmed by the morning and went to school in a settled mood, he returned home and completed a list of chores for me to apologies for his rudeness, all sorted. Well we actually sorted it even more when discussing it in DDP on the Thursday.
So parents evening. We, as always, had few actual appointments and spent an hour trying to sneak in, to see teachers. There was a general thread which appeared throughout the evening. “when Tall is in the right frame of mind he is motivated, engaged, very bright and very capable, when he’s not in the right frame of mind he has the potential to be disruptive uncooperative and rude”.
Most teachers were quick to say that there had been a great improvement since is very wobbly start at the beginning of the year. However, most teachers also felt really frustrated by the lack of consistency in his work.
We obviously know why there are inconsistencies but as his parents we want him to be able to achieve what he is more than capable of so we are in discussion with school as to how we can best support him in attaining this.
Although we delivered his parents evening feed back with all the positive things his teachers said
“I adore your son”
“He is such a bright boy”
“He’s by far the most capable in the group”
We also talked to him about how he could take the next step in reaching his potential.
Tall seemed teary eyed at the end. “I thought I was doing well” he said.
Tall had only taken on board all the, what he considered, negative comments and ignored the good bits, not believing them of himself”
This created a big discussion point in DDP therapy on Thursday, the fact that he can’t believe the positive things people say about him. He did really well opening up about what his head is saying to him instead.
“You are bright and intelligent….”
“Yes but I’m stupid”
He proudly said afterwards, I’m getting better at therapy, aren’t I”
“Yes you are my love, you are doing brilliantly”
He beamed back at me and I felt success, he allowed that positive statement to drip into his belief system.
In Other News
Small and new girlfriend were off and then on again this week.
Whilst Small has gone to school each day this week and on the bus in the morning, he has really struggled.
Thankfully Small’s reward for getting the bus every morning finally arrived, all the way from Japan. A Tamagotchi .