Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 153

That time again already? Friday means it’s time for the Weekly Adoption Shout Out!

#WASOWhat have you been up to this week? Write a post and tell us all about it.  There’s no theme this week – so we’ll be looking forward to hearing all your news, views and opinions this time. Next week is our next adoption #sorepoints, so the theme will be Personal Hygiene then.

As always, go forth and add your link, and please do share as many posts as you can.

Adopting for a second time

Should we or shouldn’t we?
We have a 4 year old son, whom we adopted 2 years ago. It’s not been plain sailing as you might imagine, but we’re getting post adoption support and we’re in a routine now.
We’ve been approached about adopting his younger brother, who is now coming upto 6 months. He’s been in foster care since birth but is now ready to move onto a more permanent placement and naturally we were thought of.
My partner and I had planned to adopt again, but we’re wary of rocking the boat and upsetting our family as it is. And timing wise, with our son starting school next September, we don’t want him thinking that we’re replacing him in anyway.

Has anyone adopted for a second time? Has it been smooth or cause problems with your eldest child? Should we wait longer or not miss this opportunity to adopt his natural, full sibling?

#TASpic round-up and a new challenge

Hello you lovely shutterbugs!

Thanks to all those who shared their #firstime photos – here’s my top #TASpic from January:

And as always, here are a few of my favourites.

first time collage


We’ve just seen all of your #firsttime images, but this month how about showing us your #goodtimes? That’s the hashtag for this month #goodtimes, and we’re really looking forward to seeing and sharing your #goodtimes#TASpic.

Get snapping!

The Adoption Social Times

TAStimesOur monthly round-up of all things Adoption Social

Weekly Adoption Shout Out
As always, #WASO keeps us busy. We try to read and share as many as we can – but it’s not always possible so we really appreciate when you readers can share #WASO posts too – even just one or two is helpful to the bloggers.

Themes for forthcoming weeks are as follows:
12 February – Personal hygiene
26 February – Extended family

We always love to see your creativity in the form of #TASpic images. Most recently we wanted to see your #firsttime photos and if you want to see them too – just look on Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #TASpic.
Come and find out soon what the next theme will be, and keep posting your #TASpics.

Britmums adoption & fostering round-up
We’re back onto writing the Britmums Adoption & Fostering round-up as editors. The next round-up is due out at the end of this week – so keep an eye out for it and see if you’re included. If you know of other blogs you think should be included – then let us know.

Britmums Live 2016
We’ll be attending Britmums Live again this year and will of course feedback useful information afterwards. Are you planning on attending? From past experience I can say it’s always informative, inspiring, and friendly, and of course Sarah and I will be there and would love to meet you if you’re going.

Sore Points
Next week sees our #Sorepoints week, it will take place 8th – 14th February. The theme will be sorepoint**Personal Hygiene** – periods, puberty, body odour, hair washing, soiling, wetting and everything else between. We’ll be posting book reviews, hosting a #TASchat and the #WASO theme that week will all be around Personal Hygiene, so make sure you come along to share experiences, pick up advice and chat.

If you’d like to write a guest post on your experiences for publication that week then we’d love to host it. We want to share your experiences so others see they’re not alone – and so we can share tips and advice. So please get in touch if you can share a guest post. Email us at theadoptionsocial@gmail.com.

Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 152

Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to another week of #WASOWASO152

Yes, it’s Friday and so that means that here on The Adoption Social, it’s Weekly Adoption Shout Out time. If you’ve not heard of it before, the Weekly Adoption Shout Out or #WASO is our weekly blog linky for those blogging about any aspect of adoption. The Adoption Social is run by 2 adoptive mums, but the linky is for anyone – adoptee, foster carer, birth parent, social worker, wider family, adoptive parent – anyone who writes about adoption.

To link is simple, just add your blog info into the form below and we’ll try our best to share as any posts as we can. We offer a theme every other week for a bit of inspiration for those who want it – but it’s always optional. This week it’s ‘Dear Teacher’.

All we ask is that you comment and share on as many posts as you feel able. Here’s the linky…

PDA – Pathalogical Demand Avoidance, What do we all know?

Today Sarah from The Puffin Diaries is asking what do we all know about PDA?

I have come to the conclusion my eleven year old son has PDA. I have asked CAMHS to diagnosis for us but as they have already assessed him and diagnosised him as on the Autistic Spectrum, and as PDA is considered to be part of the spectrum, they have said no.

I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has been successful in receiving a diagnosis and hear who they achieved this.

Also how do school support a child with PDA? If you have any experience of a school being successful in supporting a child it would be great to hear about things that work well in the educational environment.

I have found this website of great use The PDA Society there is alot of useful information for families and schools.

I also was first introduced to PDA through Born Naughty? on Channel 4, the first episode involving a little girl called Honey.

If people provide other resources I will pull it all together in a future post.

Does lack of truth telling destabilise a child’s life journey?

Today we bring you a film of Helen Oakwater’s speech at the  International Foster Care Organisation (IFCO)

Helen is an adoptive parent of sibling group placed in 1990’s. Here knowledge and understanding of adoption has lead her to writing the book  “Bubble Wrapped Children: how social networking is transforming the face of 21st century adoption” plus numerous articles.
Helen has now become an International trainer delivering workshops on Trauma Triggered Behaviour. She is currently avoiding the London chill by delivering in Australia and New Zealand. Here experience in the field of adoption include being a Coach (NLP, Executive and Personal) a former Local coordinator & Trustee of Adoption UK and a former member of Government Adoption and Permanence Task Force.

You can find out more about her work on her website Bubble Wrapped Children and connect with her on twitter @HelenOakwater

Life on the Frontline

lotfA weekly blog from a family made by adoption, warmed by the laughter, broken by the sadness, held together by love with a big dollop of hope, oh, and often soaked in mummy tears.

Post the child protection incident, life has been very quiet and actually quite good. Tall was wobbly returning to school and a couple of incidents resulted in him spending a day in isolation but he has been doing well. Strangely our relationship seems to have benefited from the whole thing. I think it has really shown him that I’m there for him and he has been more upbeat and brighter at home. I have tried to keep my distance from school, I still feel terribly angry about the whole episode. They phoned me last week and I had to go in to collect Tall because he wasn’t well. Only at this school could I turn up to collect a poorly child and they’d lost him! I had to wonder around the school trying to locate my son.

There seemed to be theme developing around people who are supposed to support us actually making life more difficult for us when my husband and I turned up to a course we had not been properly registered on by our Social worker. So after organising child care so we could attend this four day course, we were turned away because the course leaders knew nothing about us. Now we need to wait until July to attend again.

Small seems to be gradually settling into his new school. He has his good and bad days of course but I have some positive reports about how he is making friends and doing well with his work. Last week a bad day did see him issued a detention for the usual thing, rudeness. After a discussion with school the consequence was altered to him spending some time in pastoral with understanding that this is Small showing his anxiety levels.

I think for any adult it must be very disconcerting to be faced with an eleven year old who seems to be very calm, whilst delivering his rude retort and then also very calmly walk out of the class room. I know that this is Small in his fight and Flight mode and that under that cool exterior things are churning like mad inside him. However the great thing is that this school are listening and trying to find the best ways to support him.

He is developing a positive relationship with his pastoral officer, they play cards together when he’s having a bit of a break from the classroom. They are taking time to get to know him, recognising that this is the key to him doing well in school. They actually get it.

So life is a little slow but I’m not complaining, it’s always good to have a little breathing space.


In Other News

I am teaching my first yoga class this week.

I have nailed my yoga crows pose.

We had a fun family outing of ice skating which was great fun.

It is NOT Normal

When school decided that my son was possibly being abused by me, his mum, the whole event unfolded into a melting pot of emotional doom and gloom. We had to wait a full day until a social worker was available to investigate the claim. A full day of stress and worry, I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t eat, thinking about what might be going on with my son in school.

Thank goodness that sense was seen very quickly by the attending social worker and our son was sent home with us. However in the aftermath of this incident, there is one niggling statement that just does not leave my head.

“All teenagers do that, it’s normal behaviour”

I didn’t take the initial phone call which started this monster ball rolling, my husband did. The head of the student support centre, who assures me she has attachment related experience, was the person to utter these words. To which my husband intelligently replied.

“But he’s not a normal teenager is he?”

This seemingly innocent statement from school, is weighted with ignorance and misunderstanding. A sentence in which linger the eyes of judgment and the allegation of overreaction.

Still as I write this and think about the words even being uttered, I fume.

No one who understands how we constantly battle to encourage a trusting relationship with a child exposed to early life trauma, and who has problems forming trust based relationships, would ever utter such nonsense.

My son was caught trying to retrieve his phone for a late night on screen session. I got cross; he got cross, I grabbed him to stop him getting hold of his phone (he once snapped a DS in half in anger and has previously tried to smash his phone) he accidently fell. End of it.

Yes my reaction may not seem “normal” but I don’t live in a “normal” world compared to most.

When my son shows disregard for rules, an ability to be devious and sneaky, I worry. I worry about all the things he may do as he gets older that I won’t know about. I worry about how he plays us and those around him for his own benefit. I worry he will never trust anyone enough to be truly honest with them. I worry about him.

I worry about the future, will he get worse as he grows, am I losing him? I worry about the many feelings he may be concealing which he can’t show me. I worry he may one day hit me and I will not be able to defend myself.

And there it is, that trust thing, it goes two ways. Do I trust him? NO.

I know I need to,  I know he needs to feel trusted, but I can’t not fully.

I’m hoping our DDP therapy is going to help resolve some of these issues, but who knows. Maybe I wont ever be able to fully trust him, maybe that’s a good thing because I can hopefully second guess his actions. From a flicker in his eye I will know that I’ve not been told the truth.

Are these feels normal, is this the way I should feel about my child?

Don’t ever tell me it’s normal because it just is not.

I thought it might be appropriate to re-share this film made by The Open Nest in relation to this post.

The Open Nest: The Lost Children Of Trauma. from marry waterson on Vimeo.

Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 151

Hello all you lovely people – are you ready to #WASO??!!WASO152

It’s been a bleak old week weather wise hasn’t it? I hope that you’ve all been keeping tucked up and warm, and have been writing some blog posts to link up?
There’s no theme this week, but next week will be interesting I think – the (optional) theme is ‘Dear Teacher‘.

Remember – as always – to share the bloggy love with comments and sharing on your social media platforms, and we’ll endeavour to share as many as possible through our Facebook and Twitter too.

Ready, steady, GO!