A Problem Called Depression

Today Sarah from The Puffin Diaries shares the problem of depression within the adoptive family…..

depression

I tweeted recently about how I was struggling with my depression again and in response a number of adopters said they were too. Although it is supportive and helpful when people tweet in response that they are feeling the same, it saddens me greatly that there are a fair number of us who struggle with this debilitating illness.

For me adoption has become a big part of my depression as I battle my feelings of inadequacy at not being able to make things better for my children.

I know my son’s recent difficulties with school have played a huge part in bringing me back to a place where each day feels like a steep uphill struggle. I find that I am increasingly irritable and one of my children particularly pushes my buttons. I find myself stepping away a little, which my ever vigilant children instantly notice. This results in them feeling less secure and the challenging behaviour increases. It’s a bit of a never ending cycle from there on in, as I start to feel even more inadequate as I know it is my own behaviour that is causing the problem.

So I have to try and take control and first I have to constantly reassure myself,

This will pass, it has before and it will again. Tomorrow you may very well feel so much better.

Then I need to concentrate on making myself better and making time to do the things that facilitate this,

Rest,

Fresh air,

Kindness to myself,

Acceptance of myself and my state of mind,

With my children, I find the activities that we find easy to do together, we read, we watch films, we sit together, we cuddle and I reassure them. They know I suffer with depression and we talk about it and I explain it to them. I hope with all my heart that this helps.

I also let my husband take the strain more, something I also struggle with because I feel inadequate when he has to do the jobs I’d normally do, but realistically I know it helps.

Amongst the tweets I shared with adopter the other day, we each offered suggestions to help each other through.  I had been hiding from social media but actually reconnecting with people gave me a big push in the right direction, so for me that’s a massive helpful tip.

So today as a problem shared we’re sharing the problem that is depression. I’m asking any of you who do suffer to comment below and share the things that help you get through. Lets all support each other.

Oh and I hope @mizzanels doesn’t mind, but she shared this song with me and it really put a smile on my face, I hope it does for you too.

11 thoughts on “A Problem Called Depression

  1. Vicki

    I’m struggling too. I am finding it so hard to handle Mini’s anger, and have days where I have just wanted to leave.
    Now medication is helping, but another way I’m trying to lift my mood is to listen to music more. I’m a musician at heart, but don’t play so much these days – good, loud music lifts my soul and mood. I’m finding Happy by Pharrell Williams often does the trick, it makes me smile, it makes me want to get up and dance (albeit badly), and I have to sing along. And when the whole family is feeling down – after an argument, a meltdown or a bad day, a bit of music can make us all smile and be silly together.
    It doesn’t change the situation, it doesn’t remove my depression, but it gives me some respite from it.

    And I have a breathing technique I use, which I’ll write about on my blog and share too…

    Lots of love to anyone suffering with depression, if you’re reading The Adoption Social, then you’re in good company x

    Reply
    1. tasocial Post author

      I agree Vicki, music is a great help, it can gt you through some of those tasks you don’t feel much like doing, for example the washing up.

      Reply
  2. Fiona Rowe

    Aw, thanks for sharing this! For too long ‘depression’ by the sufferer’s is not shared! I would like to tell you, if you don’t already know about the ‘Hazel’ project too! On facebook look at ‘Hazel Rejuvenated’ or web: The Wooden Canal Boat Society’.

    Reply
  3. Michelle

    Hey Sarah,
    I just literally hooted on seeing the song there. So glad it helped!! My husband knows if I’m singing I’m happy and its been quiet for a while round here. Things that work for me are: lowering my expectations of myself; keeping things simple with the kids ie not planning ridiculous numbers of activities in a day; taking up offers of help/timeouts; focusing on the vital things ie sleep, eating, clothes on; prayer; fresh air; adopters network on twitter; exercise. I’m sure there’s more… Happy thawts xx

    Reply
    1. tasocial Post author

      I loved that song and had to share it, thanks for sharing it with me. All your tips are great especially focusing on the vital things. x

      Reply
  4. MoandBro

    Adoption Social helps get me/us through. Thanks and well done for sharing, Sarah and Vicki, you help other adopters more than you know. Other things that help: pancakes, wine (not together… or maybe?), sharing with friends, virtual or otherwise, fresh air.

    Reply
  5. honeymummy

    Thank you for this post. I sometimes wonder if I will ever get off the rollercoaster called “depression” but I suppose I do have some ‘tricks’ that help me get through some of the days.
    Music definitely plays a big part in lifting my mood enough for me to get through a day and be a ‘good’ enough parent but possibly even more important to me is my love of dancing. Before the boys moved in Bumble and I used to do ballroom dancing and this would always cheer me up. Now although it has become impossible for us to continue with our lessons, I still love to dance around the lounge and loose myself in the movement and music.
    Taking Beedog out for a walk is always guaranteed to at least clear my head a little.

    Reply
    1. tasocial Post author

      Thank you for your tips, I love to dance around in the kitchen, to my children’s horror.xx

      Reply
  6. Laura Peterson

    Just began listening to classical and some rock music and I agree it really helps with the problem at hand. Thanks for sharing this!

    Reply

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