This problem is posed by Sarah from The Puffin Diaries can you help?
Aggressive language, and abusive behaviour is increasingly becoming part of how my youngest son, aged nine, is expressing himself.
He gets angry very easily at all sorts of things that he perceives as an injustice to him, yet is constantly rude and aggressive to all members of our family for seemingly no reason.
His older brother and daddy get the majority of the abuse even when it is maybe me, mummy, that has made him cross.
The other day he got down at the dinner table, walked around to his brother and punched him really hard in the arm and there seemed to be nothing that had provoked it. He then will not take any discussion over why it happened or understand that this behaviour requires a consequence. He became increasingly aggressive and abusive, lots of swearing and nasty name calling, as we tried to speak to him about it. Admittedly we were not necessarily as calm in our approach as we could have been but it doesn’t seem to make that much difference how you approach it, their is no reasoning with him. He will not accept that his actions were wrong.
I very much understand that the behaviour is a way of controlling family life and the bad language is expected to gain a reaction that then gives him control of the situation.
We are therefore trying our best to ignore the behaviour as much as possible but it’s hard when he then becomes physical as well.
Has anyone experienced similar behaviour in their family and if so how did you deal with it? I’d be especially interested to know if people hand out consequences for such behaviour or any other approach that has worked to minimise the bad language and aggressive behaviour?
It increasingly feels like this little boy is taking charge and I’m not entirely sure what to do about it.