Today’s post comes from our very own Vicki (who also writes at The Boy’s Behaviour), who needs some help with a – perhaps – unusual situation…
As some of you might already know I have an adoptive son – Mini who is 6 (nearly 7) and a birth daughter Dollop who is 3 and a half. Dollop came along unexpectedly after Mini had been here for 2.5 years or so.
At nursery Dollop is starting to do some work on families and babies, and she’s had to take in a photo. That’s all fine and seems fairly straightforward…she knows she grew in my tummy, and how she entered the world (to an age appropriate level). She also knows that Mini didn’t grow in my tummy, but someone else’s. She’s fine with that, it’s all she’s ever known and to her it’s normal that siblings grow in different places.
But, do we need to think about explaining the differences between her and her brother?
Does she need to have a deeper understanding? Should we wait until she asks questions, but then, is she likely to question it all…to her it’s normal. When do you explain adoption to a child who is not adopted, but is living with adoption and trauma everyday?
I appreciate this may not be a common question…we’re in that position that so many people have supposedly heard of (pregnancy after adopting, despite diagnosed infertility), yet I only know of a couple of others it’s happened to. But I’d appreciate your thoughts.