Our problem today is from one contributor struggling with family expectations….
Like a lot of adopters, I was childless for a very long time before I became a parent. I was also single and pretty much used to doing things my own way. I don’t have a bad relationship with my family, but they live far away and I’m not used to relying on them for anything really.
I have nephews, but my sister has lived abroad for over 25 years now so my Mum missed out on most of their growing up. Now she and my stepdad have moved close to my sister to enjoy their retirement and suddenly, here I am with another grandchild.
To say it’s altering our family dynamics would be an understatement! Now, from seeing my parents a couple of times each year, I find that they are over pretty much every other month . . . staying in my house! It’s not necessarily as bad as it sounds. My Mum is not particularly hard to live with – there are a couple of things she does with my son that I’m not keen on, but I can manage that most of the time.
No, the problem is the way our relationship is changing. Or rather, how it’s not particularly changing and my Mum thinks it should.
I think she’d rather I was on the phone, asking for advice and seeking the wisdom of the ages from her, but I’ve been used to being independent for 20 years so that’s not something that comes naturally to me at all. On her last visit here, she said that she wished I needed her more. This is after years of telling me how proud she is that I’m so independent!
So, I was wondering whether anyone else has found that the arrival of their children has radically changed the dynamic of their existing family, and how you’ve got round it . . . if you have!