Carol’s daughter and son in law decided to adopt, but Carol needs your advice…
“I didn’t know how difficult things would be when my daughter told me she and her husband were going to adopt a child. It was about 5 years ago, that their now 6 year old son moved in. I don’t know all the details about why he was removed, but I know it wasn’t the best start for him, despite a great foster carer.
He obviously has some difficulties, and understandably so, but I thought that after so long he’d feel settled. My daughter recalls awful events to me – when her son is violent, having meltdowns, refusing to do things, generally being naughty…but I can’t reconcile this with the child I see.
I don’t see him that often because of the physical distance between us, but when I do see him he’s mostly polite, well behaved – a little contrary on occasions, but pretty much like a typical child of his age.
In fact, sometimes I feel they don’t give him enough freedom, and keep him too close, but she tells me it’s important to help make him feel secure, the boundaries are there for a reason.
I really want to support them all, but how can I have empathy for my daughter when I don’t see the behaviour she tells me of? Can I support my grandson in anyway to help him with coping with the issues? Should I consider some training so I can better understand? Is there anything out there for adoptive grandparents?”