I’ve dealt with many a comment in my time as an adoptive parent, from
“Wow, doesn’t he look like his dad…er…I mean your husband”
“So which one of you is it then? Who can’t have children?”
“Poor thing, was his mother a druggy/alcoholic/rape victim?”
I have a number of stock replies now. I use these opportunities to educate, with humour, a direct approach, rudeness and/or sarcasm where needed. Most comments are well-meaning I know, but despite the intention, they are still ignorant and hurtful.
But now the one I need your help with is the ‘Isn’t he lucky to have you as his parents’ comment. And those that are similar, usually using the word ‘luck’ in the sentence.
How do you respond to that? Because, no matter how I respond I usually end up with a snappy “well you know what I mean” or find myself faced with a backside storming off – clearly the owner of said backside has been offended. My response is dependent on my mood, but usually includes “well, I’m not sure he’s lucky, after all, he had to endure rather a lot before he came to us and I’m sure he’d have rather stayed with his birth parents, but yes, at least he’s no longer in care”. What would you say?
These days, I’m not so worried about offending, and more worried about protecting my child, but still if I could think of a gentler way of getting this message across, I’d rather use that than upset.