Todays’ Problem Shared is from Marc, an adoptive dad to a little girl who is 8. Can you give him any advice?
Over the years, we’ve dealt with her refusals to do things in various ways – and although we know consistency is key, nothing works for very long and we’ve always found that using 2/3 techniques in rotation has worked the best.
But. Now she’s older, the word ‘NO’ is becoming used more and more often.
Please come and do your reading. NO
Please go and brush your teeth before bed. NO
Come on, let’s wash our hands before dinner. NO
Can you stop pulling the cat’s tail now. NO
Please turn the TV down, it’s too loud. NO
Dinnertime – quick come and get up the table. NO
Let’s have some fun – do my nails and mummy’s too, then we can play hairdressers if you like? NO
Hey, it’s time for school, do you want to put your coat on first, or your shoes? NO
Come on, let’s pick a story together. NO
OK, can you choose a story then? NO
Alright, I can see you’re having some trouble, I’ll choose tonight. NO
What do you say back? I’m running out of things…I try to cajole her lightly, I change the way I ask, I suggest/tell her instead of asking, I give her a natural consequence, I’ll ask something different and come back to it, I’ll make it sound like HER idea. But always NO! I’d like to say we always get there in the end, but we’re frequently late…for school, playdates, to family because of the problems involved with the simple task of putting shoes on. There seems to be no pattern – it happens with things she likes, and things she doesn’t.
Any tips please? I’m out of ideas now and everything is turning into a battle. We need some yesses before everything feels negative.
Have you experienced similar? How did you deal with it? Please leave your suggestions in the comments below and we’ll make sure Marc sees them…