Author Archives: tasocial

About tasocial

A site to support those involved in adoption by promoting the use of social media sites as support tools.

Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 224

It’s #WASO time again!

How has your week been? Pleasant and calm, or challenging? We’d love if you could share your blog posts about how things are for you all?
We welcome blog posts from adoptees, adoptive parents, birth families, social workers, foster carers, therapists – in fact anyone connected in any way to adoption. So please do get involved if you can.
Here’s the linky, just fill in your details…



Top Secret Adopter

BABY 

Once again, we find ourselves surprised by developments. X has brought so many twist and turns into our lives but 10 years on we are still surprised by the influence of external events on our delicatw equilibrium.

News comes, mother has had a baby. We all pause and check our feelings. News of babies usually comes with excitement and congratulations. This comes with unanswerable question and unique feelings.

To make a long story short X finds out.

That’s where it starts to get difficult and where the difficult questions come from. There are no easy answers, no certainty or assurances. All the things that cause X to wobble and make the ground beneath X’s feet uncertain are laid out in front of her.

“You can adopt the baby!” she exclaims

Well, it’s not that simple is it? I’m not sure we can, it seems like we’re just coping and a baby wont turn ‘just coping’ into ‘easily coping’.

She’s angry. Irreconcilable loss mixed with blind optimism and sprinkled with a light dusting of trauma informed behaviour are a recipe for trouble. So, that’s what we get more trouble, tempers, tears, sadness and confusion. Anger is directed at us as she shouts, ‘why not?!’

We verbally walk through the challenges and the reasons, ‘we’re too old, we don’t have the room, it’s not our decision, Mother may keep the baby’ the list is exhaustive. X is having none of it dysregulation layered on top of heartbreak, it spills into all the corners of X’s life and consequently our lives. X can’t make sense of the dual feelings of excitement and loss.

This is complicated stuff, more complicated than I’m equipped for and in the middle of all that I’m managing my own feelings. This child feels emotionally connected to me, I feel like I should say yes, that I should throw our hat into the ring. I’m struggling with guilt, uncertainty, trying to figure out how it would work. The right answer is no but I’m struggling to say no, to this point I’ve always said yes but that’s how we got to here, good and bad.

I lay awake and wonder could we but the reality is I’m tired to the core, adoption, or some parts of it has eroded parts of me that will never be restored. There’s been magic too going back to nappies seems like too much, I’ll be in my 60’s when the baby reaches 18, no is the right answer.
On a routine social work visit we’re informed that mother has had a baby. The question is asked, why I’m not quite sure considering the fact we’re still having routine social work visits, would you consider taking the child.

Every fibre of my being says ‘yes’, my mouth says ‘no’.
@AdopterX

 

Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 223

Coming at you every Friday – it’s #WASO time!

So we’re heading towards the end of the school holidays (in fact, the return to school has already come for many), and here at The Adoption Social we want to know how you and the children are handling it? Any reflections from the holidays? Any transition tips to share?

Whatever you’ve written about this week, we’d like you to link up below, then read and share as many posts as you can…



Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 222

A big #WASO welcome!

Hello, and welcome to another week of the Weekly Adoption Shout Out – a fab community of bloggers and blog readers sharing the best of adoption related blogs, and supporting each other.

If you’ve got a blog to add, then just fill in the form below. If you’re here to read some interesting adoption blogs, well, you’ve come to the right place, but perhaps have a browse too. Our previously published posts are chock-a-block full of interesting information.



Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 221

Hello and Happy Friday!

Welcome to WASO, time to get your best blog posts ready to link up with the rest of our wonderful adoption community. Whether you’re an adoptive parent, an adopted person, a prospective adoptive parent, a birth family member or a professional – we’d love for you to add your blog posts below and link up with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out.

No judgement, no rules, just kindness and sharing.

Oh, and if you know of a good adoption related blog, please do encourage them to join in too – it’s always good to hear of new bloggers…


Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 220

WASO — WASO — WASO — WASO — WASO

Yes, it’s that time of the week again, get your blog posts at the ready.
Come and tell us what you’ve been up to, what’s been positive, what’s been challenging, or perhaps you’ve found something that works particularly well for your family and you want to share it? The linky is below, so just copy and paste your blog post’s web address/URL into the form.

Please share your favourite posts, and comment to let the writer’s know you found their blog through #WASO.



Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 219

Hello again, it’s time for #WASO!

Welcome back to The Adoption Social, home of the Weekly Adoption Shout Out. This week, as always, please add your blog posts to the linky below, and help support our fantastic community of adoption bloggers and social media users. Read, comment and share, then come back next week to do it all again.

Here’s the linky:


Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 218

Welcome back to the Weekly Adoption Shout Out

It’s summertime, the schools have finished, aeroplanes and motorways are full of holiday makers, some children are struggling with transitions, others are enjoying free time and lack of formal school. What’s it like for you? Are you attempting a holiday? Do you have older adoptive children that are no longer in school but still struggle with this time of year?

Share your blog posts below in the link-up form, and we’ll read and share as many as we can on Facebook and on Twitter…



Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 217

#WASO time!

Welcome back to another week of #WASO, are you ready to share your blog posts? We’re looking forward to reading them. Linked posts can be on any aspect of adoption, and we encourage you to read and comment on those linked, as well as adding your own post.

DO Please share your favourites on Facebook and Twitter with the hashtag #WASO.
DO Type in your blog url carefully, else it won’t work.
DO Comment on the blogs that link up, and let them know you found them through #WASO.
DO remember to add your own link, after reading the others.
DO check back as new blogs are linked throughout the weekend.

Here’s the linky…


CITIZEN SMITH #ParentPower

 

 

 

 

Life Story Work – There must be a better way?

Hey Sarah, let’s sit down and look at that book about that time you got molested in the park, I’ve got some photos of your assailant. Let’s have a look at them, I know he loved you really. Look here’s you and the police officer that did your forensic examination. How are you feeling?

There are many important things we have to handle as adoptive or foster parents, but to me helping a child make sense of ‘their journey’ has always felt like the most overwhelming.

In this aspect of our role we must act as both counsellor and parent – because what is termed ‘life story work’ is unquestionably counselling and it is unquestionably work. Work we are uniquely ill-equipped to undertake. Work that, in my mind, is important beyond our imagination.

Life story work makes me feel grossly inadequate and it can turn me into an arsehole because when I hear on the news, following one hideous event or another, that “counselling has been made available” to the victims I actually feel jealous on behalf of my child. Jealous! Jealous that I’m left to bumble my way through helping my child make sense of their own traumatic experiences. Jealous of people who have experienced horror I cannot imagine and who are perfectly entitled to receive support. How screwed up is that!

And I am not sure I believe that the PTSD experienced by those who witnessed, for example, the London Bridge attack is so different from those feelings experienced by an abused child, or one whose very life was repeatedly threatened through neglect. Or indeed the additional traumas of severance following removal.

If I were a counsellor being fairly paid to support a person who had experienced what our children have experienced (Complex PTSD) I would be putting a deposit down on a holiday home after the first meeting. It’s for the same reason that I fully understand why parents delay or avoid it, or those who often, like me, wait for their child to prompt us with an enquiry so that I can steel myself and say “Oh I’m glad you asked me that” before dragging out ‘the book’.

These events need professionals, and when I think of us, the army of amateurs coming to counsel our children through their PTSD I wonder how the media would treat our arrival at the scene of a terrorist incident. Equipped, as in my case, with good intentions, tissues and a spiral bound wipe-clean book of their tragedy.

But we know that there is no army of free counsellors to help our children, it can take 18 months to get just one CAMHS referral, and even all those counsellors who, in my imagination, descend on the scene of a tragedy like robot hoovers have to go back to their charging points until the next time they are needed.

So as always we must step up, and equip ourselves to become the professional, the counsellor, equipped to help our children process the events that brought them to us, and to do so over the course of many years. We’ll buy more books, attend more courses, learn from each other and our mistakes but always with that voice in our heads “There must be a better way than this”.

@mistersglluest