5 minutes to myself

Today a birth mum talks about her experience of having her children removed for adoption…..

5 minutes to myself. I never thought my life would be so busy.

Its been a year since my son was officially adopted by his foster carers. It’s gone so quickly it feels strange that its only been official 5 minutes.
That’s it now for me job done!!!
After being in a domestically physically and mentally, violent and abusive relationship for almost 7 years, its truly game over for me.

The kid’s dad and I were both in our early 20s. The children were all spoke about and indeed tried for.
Coming from broken families ourselves we both wanted the relationship to work but on different levels.
Being human is not easy. My first two children live together now. I’ve had one photograph with my letterbox contact of them both together. I love that they’re happy and together and just doing and being normal kids.
I’ve met both sets of adoptive parents. Due to my son’s adoptive parents also being his foster parents they were there the whole way through all the child protection / safeguarding meetings. It was a strange time for me. I’d finally made the break from the relationship and got a place in a women’s refuge. I was so stressed I didn’t notice my periods had stopped, when I did I thought I had an infection. All the children are have the same dad. 22 weeks the midwife told me as she scanned my belly ‘WHAT?’ and there he was. A gangly armed gangly legged baby. The most handsome boy in the whole world. BIASED!!!5minutes
I did chuckle. We’d always said we wanted 3 but after problems in the relationship with the first two I didn’t think the third would show up.
When it was decided that my fickleness was a potential problem stopping my son from living with me I requested that he went with the first two.
It went to an adoption panel and was decided that he would stay where he was. I was gutted. To me it meant that my innocent children would never have a normal family life. It was probably the first time I felt guilty as a mother.
I’d always reassured myself that phoning the police, reporting the violence and being honest with the social workers was the right thing.
I had faith in the system that the children who find themselves in it aren’t just given away. Surely there’s checks, classes and on going support offered. I knew I wouldn’t get any support from my family the ‘divorce’ ruined any ‘family’ we had years ago.
Its taken me a  while but the court ordered that sibling and letterbox contact is to take place. I’ve always received my letters, photos, pictures and cards so I’m sure that eventually I’ll get a picture of all three of them together.
I’m back in full time education now. Catching up on all the things I should and would have done if only I’d had the stability to grow from.
I was baptised, received and confirmed in Easter….and last month I turned 30 eeeek 30 agggghh its official….lol.
That’s all I hope for my kids now is that through the adoptive parents, who for whatever reason have chosen to adopt, I hope my kids have each other and stability to be and do the best they can do in life.
Were all human beings and no one said THAT was going to be easy.
Fingers crossed and round for next year and that picture of all 3.
Merry xmas and a happy 2014 x
We’re very grateful to the writer of this piece for sharing her story, she wishes to remain anonymous. However she has suggested the Natural Parents Network as a useful contact to accompany this post, they can be found at http://n-p-n.co.uk/

One thought on “5 minutes to myself

  1. Suddenly Mummy

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I adopted a child I had fostered and got to know my son’s birth mother quite well during that time. I am grateful for this as it means I can truly tell him about his birth mum, and be honest when I say I know she loved him and did her best even though so much in her life was going wrong. I hope you get that photo of your three children together.

    Reply

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