Life on the Frontline

lotf

A weekly blog from a family made by adoption, warmed by the laughter, broken by the sadness, held together by love with a big dollop of hope, oh, and often soaked in mummy tears.

 

The awful truth is I’ve fallen out with a very good friend, that’s why I’ve not been, shall we say “on the ball”, this week. The details are for her, me and those whose counsel I seek, however my parenting has been much affected.

Monday I did little with my life. My thoughts were active beyond belief, in contrast. I’ve tried very hard to put it out of my head, focus on the here and now but I’ve slipped a lot. I hate to sound so self absorbed, I actually do hate it, I often reprimand myself and those around me for such indulgence, but, when you are the one whom holds a family together you can’t afford to be emotionally depleted.

I’ve given in to everything this week. I’m sure they both know when I’m not top notch. Small manipulates and eases himself out of anything he doesn’t wish to do. Tall, he acts as if he’s concerned, I’m sure he feels he is, but he is also pushing things.  More “can I” appears in our dialogue.

I don’t blame them; they do what they do to survive, what they believe is necessary.

So Wednesday saw Small not go to school, he refused and I couldn’t find the energy to argue.

It’s not as easy as “I won’t go to school”

He says he “can’t”.

This language is hard to dispute, I feel again, with these whispered admissions, like the one person he is talking to. I am the one with whom he entrusts his happiness.

Thankfully I was still able to teach my Wednesday yoga a class and this proved to be my lifeline back to belief in myself and life.

I am so enjoying teaching yoga; it’s creative, empowering and full of goodness, exactly what I need.

And then just as my feet grounded and felt ok in the here and now, it snowed.

Snow, what to say? I hate it, feel trapped by it, it’s cold and wet, I hate it.

So, just as I was getting there, it snowed.

Friday was a full on snow day here, it didn’t stop all day. The boys were off school, I was stuck at home. I should’ve been out on Friday night for a friend’s birthday but the snow prevented me getting there. Did I say yet how much I dislike snow?

I’m having a good old moan, my week has been………., please fill in the gap.

However today is Mothers day and I feel restored. The fallout has faded and my counsel’s have done their job.

The boys prepared a breakfast picnic for me. It’s gone fairly well and I’ve enjoyed it. That is mammoth for us. A good Sunday to end the week.

 

In Other News

Tall has had two detentions this week and done really well with them.

Mr H saw a good old friend this weekend and I can see the positivity it has injected into him.

Small got top marks in his French test, language, which ever, seems something he can just do.

 

One thought on “Life on the Frontline

  1. JYM

    I feel for you. Similar here. Mothers Day made things worse than ever combined with a week of exams starting today. I received more punches and kicks than love over the weekend but there are little signs of hope and I cling on to these

    Reply

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