Life on the Frontline – 31/05/16

lotf

A weekly blog from a family made by adoption, warmed by the laughter, broken by the sadness, held together by love with a big dollop of hope, oh, and often soaked in mummy tears.

I’m so proud of my children this week, well I’m always very proud of my children but moving away which I have discussed in recent weeks I thought I’d talk about all the amazing things happening for us.

Tall is doing so well with his DDP therapy, facing some huge emotions each week and sticking with it. The last two weeks he has spent most of the session curled in a ball whilst together we have faced the fears of rejection and trying to get what you need from the adults around you.

We’ve unpicked some very complicated stuff and made sense, for him and me, a couple of behaviours he has. The important one for me was understanding why he tells people in school that he is hungry, when he’s actually not.

I know you could surmise and I have but school, who have literally accused me of not feeding him, would not believe the scenario I was painting for them. Having worked this through with the therapist, some of my assumptions have been proved to be true and it has introduced me to how this also plays out at home some times.

Basically when Tall wants to talk about fears and worries in school they don’t want to engage with him, however if he tells them he’s hungry, they make him toast. He has worked out a simple way of gaining attention and have an adult nurture him.

At home it has revealed for me the importance for Tall of having food made for him and provided for him. He doesn’t have any bad habits around food and eats well but he likes to be cared for and having mu make food for him is a big part of that, no doubt because it didn’t happen in his early years.

So him being able to let us know in the session exactly what the “I’m hungry statements means” is big and brave of him and I am so proud of him for facing these difficult discussions and working through them.

I’ve noticed many positive changes in Tall recently, small situations which would have spiraled into a black hole for him, he now seems to be able to side step, rethink and overcome.

Just this weekend I was upset about something and had been a little cross with him. I hid in the garden with my tears only to be found by Tall.

“Are you OK mum?”

“Yes fine, just leave me alone please”

Tall came closer and but his arms around me and gave me a hug.

Previously the “leave me alone” would have triggered “rejection” and off he would have gone and i’d have created one more thing to cry about. So this small gesture of a hug is a HUGE progressive step.

So to Small, well he weathered his first after school detention this week. Adamant he was not staying on the Wednesday evening, I was fully prepared for a phone call to say he’d not turned up. However, as I waited in the school car park an hour after school finished, a smiley young man appeared laughing with and joking with a fellow student.

He mischievously shared with me how they’d passed notes during the detention and as we pulled out of the car park another group of students waved and smiled at him. Seeing him enjoying this camaraderie and involvement with other students gave a warm pang of happiness for him. I know he’ll still tell me he has no friends but I’ve seen otherwise.

Following the theme of friendships, Friday he arrived home, delivered from his bus, agitated.

“The year elevens have left today” he stated as he came in through the door.

We exchanged a couple comments on this and then he proceeded to tell me a little more about his day. Almost mid sentence about some lesson or other, his eyes weld with tears and he blurted

“All my year eleven friends from the bus have gone”.

He fell into my arms and sobbed.

So only after only getting on the bus for maybe seven weeks, Small has become attached to some friends on the bus…no of course I’m not celebrating this very sad moment.

Together these boys have also had a couple of successful trips to our local park together. Navigated any problems, found friends to play/hang out with and come home with smiles on their faces.

So look at us all grown up this week. I love my family.

In Other News

On top of everything our house has been in chaos as the kitchen is redecorated. It is done now and I’m enjoying sorting and moving back in to a fresh, bright space.

Our two new guinea pigs are causing much joy for everyone, they are so cute.

Yoga continues to inspire me and look for all the good their is around us, during my recent low, this has what has pulled me from my pit.

 

2 thoughts on “Life on the Frontline – 31/05/16

  1. Ian Harmer-Draper

    We love your explanation of the “hungry ” in school thing. We maintain on our workshops that even a biscuit is a very simple ‘way in’ to connecting and nuturing a child within a school setting. Would you allow us to quote your story on our workshop ?

    Take a look at our website and our mission to educate the educators of our children.

    Kind regards
    School Matters

    Reply
    1. tasocial Post author

      Hi Yes of course you can quote the story in your workshop, it would be good if you could reference where you found it and let people know about the site. Maybe in return you could write a post for us about what you do, with a few simple tips for parents about working with school. I’d drop you an email.

      Reply

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