A weekly blog from a family made by adoption, warmed by the laughter, broken by the sadness, held together by love with a big dollop of hope, oh, and often soaked in mummy tears.
The boy Small has moved into a happier place. The half term holiday provided a space for him to relax and the calmness amassed has remained. For me the time out from school gave me the room to gather strength and confidence and we have returned to school feeling in control.
Currently Small is attending the support centre in the afternoon and is at home in the morning. The integration back into his Primary school has been put on hold for now, as we gather more information and allies. I now do not want to attend a meeting without the Educational Psychologist and Parent Partnership being in attendance too. I also have been planning and taking notes on what I wish to be considered and discussed all adding to the sense of control I’ve gained.
I also made another decision this week that I feel confident about. There has been some expectation that whilst Small is at home that I am providing him with some activities of educational value. One morning this week I asked Small to carry out an educational task and he flatly refused, as he sometime does. The wrangle which ensued left us both in tears and me in a difficult position.
The centre expects me to allot a score to Smalls morning to determine if he has met his targets. This whole process has not sat comfortably with me from day one. I am not his teacher and I don’t wish to be. I’m his mother, his confidante, the one person he trusts the most in the world. Scoring his behaviour felt like a betrayal of this trust, as if I am tell tales on him. Right there on that morning I decided I’d had enough, I didn’t want this pressure on our relationship any longer. I resolved to only enter into nurture based or fun activities with Small which encourage our connection and boost his self esteem.
So with that in mind the next morning we set out on a walk up a hill, bathed in the autumnal sunshine. Although it was all his idea, he still complained about the walking but it was worth it for the magnificent view we admired from the summit. We had brought his kite along, an activity he really loves and finds great peace in. As we tried to launch the kite into the air, we laughed and giggled as we became entangled in the cord. Once air born the kite dipped and swirled above our head and we laughed and giggled more. It was so wonderful to see a contented smile on the face of my pink cheeked boy.
“I wonder why you like flying your kite so much?” I pondered.
“I like how free it is” was the reply.
Yes, I though, floating around in the air would seem unrestrained without control, everything that Small wishes his own life could be.
“I wonder if you could write a poem about flying your kite” I tentatively asked.
“no” was the reply.
“I bet I could write a poem and I bet it would be better than yours”
“No it wouldn’t, mine would be the best” he boasted.
Back at home, an hour later he had completed a deep and moving poem about how it feels to be the kite. Daddy judged our poems and of course Small’s was far superior to mine.
So by setting the expectation to not achieve much we achieved the most we’ve ever done and had a lot of fun doing.
I am very much going to be guided by Small on what we do each morning we’ve got lots of things in mind. Together we can look forward to our week ahead instead of dreading a morning battle when I get the maths books out.
In Other News
I am delighted to announce that Tall has suddenly started to enjoy reading. He’s been reading the Maze Runner series of books and is hooked. So lovely to see him engrossed in a book that is not about Minecraft.
Both boys have had a meltdown of sorts this week. Tall’s was small and Small’s was huge, you know, spitting hitting,throwing things and trying to run away. The thing is we got over it all fairly quickly because we had the confidence to deal with it and move forward. I think this confidence thing is catching.
My husband and I managed a night out just the two of us, yes we had an argument but it was nice to have the time to argue in peace and yes we soon made up and enjoyed ourselves.