Life on the Frontline – week 9


A weekly blog from a family made by adoption, warmed by the laughter, broken by the sadness, held together by love with a big dollop of hope, oh, and often soaked in mummy tears.

If there is one thing that is for certain in our family, it is that there is no certainty. No conclusions can be drawn of how one day from the next may go, based on certain behaviour you have previously seen. No certainty that you will be able to be in a certain place at a certain time, based on certain behaviour which has previously been displayed. There is therefore no certainty, ever, of what a week in the life lived on the frontline may hold.

I attended a meeting this week, at the high school, to appraise Tall’s progress so far in year seven.  It was the type of meeting I don’t often attend; it was full of good news. I was pleased that the measure of my boy seemed to have been taken accurately and whilst they are really willing and able to support him, they are also encouraging a level of self responsibility.

He has taken to spending the majority of time, away from his lessons, in learning support. This is a separate section of the school with a whole corridor of classrooms and resources for those children who struggle in the mainstream. Whilst he is eating breakfast at home, he is also going straight into this facility when he arrives, to eat his second breakfast and is then there break time and lunch time.

The staff have gotten to know him well and seem genuinely delighted by his convivial personality.

“He was one of our biggest concerns with this year sevens but the progress he has made is wonderful”

I beamed and agreed a lot throughout and was please to hear of the way they are planning to continue his support. He’s been coached in self organisation skills and will to be expected to spend one break time a week away from them. Withdrawing their support is to happen slowly and will never be a completely gone.

I came away feeling, for once, that he was being understood and managed appropriately. It was therefore with a bit of a blow, I received a phone call, two days later, detailing an incident which would lead to his second half day internal exclusion.

The day I went to school for Tall’s meeting, Small refused, point blank,to attend his afternoon centre. He had not done well on the Monday and by Tuesday his heels were dug firmly in, there was no way he was going.

By Wednesday, I nervously dropped him off and walked away, no looking back, fingers crossed. Relying on superstitious finger crossing is never a good thing. At home time I was called in and informed that Small’s rudeness towards students and staff would result in a two day exclusion.

From what I can ascertain, a series of event have lead to him feel distrustful of the staff, again. Distrust means defensive behaviour, defensive behaviour, for Small, is a level of rudeness that most adults around him find it hard to see beyond.

I suggested on one of the days he struggled to go in, confronting the T.A. with,

“Keep your nose out of my business”

“I sometimes find he reacts better when I recognise how upset he is rather than telling him off for his rudeness. Maybe you could say “you must be very upset to speak to me like that””

In reply “I can’t say that in front of the other students, that’s not our policy”

Head and brick wall came to mind.

Whilst Small has done better at the centre it brought to my attention, again, that this micro school environment is containing the problem, not solving it.

I feel again back at square one with Smalls education, swaying even more so, than ever, to home schooling but desperate to see if a new EHC (Educational Health Care plan) can make the difference. Can we last the distance to find out? I don’t know.

So that was the week that was uncertain and here we go again with another uncertain week.

In Other News

I’m finding yoga helps with the stress, no really it does seem to help.

I went to the cinema with Tall and his friend.  A 12A,it was the scariest film I’ve seen in a long time and I’m glad they will be old enough to go it alone next time. Plus I had to sit two rows away so I didn’t cramp their Eleven year old style.

Whilst excluded, Small did all the work sent home without an argument. I bribed him with sweets but you know what it was worth it.


3 thoughts on “Life on the Frontline – week 9

  1. RachelB

    What a rollercoaster! I can so relate to the ups and downs. Last week, my partner was summoned for a just-short-of-exclusion discussion with the deputy head because Acorn had thumped a child (no exclusion because the other child thumped back harder, I suspect). Acorn then proudly shows off his Well Done postcard earned for good behaviour in the morning.

    Glad to hear you’re looking after yourself. Hope the yoga is untangling the knots.

  2. Sezz

    I like ““you must be very upset to speak to me like that” – I’ll use that next time Missy is rude to me (most days).

    As for the “it’s not our policy” – jeeeez.


  3. Honeymummy

    “It’s not our policy”!!!!!!!!!!! What is with these people? We used to receive very similar cowardly answers like this and don’t even get me started about it “not being their policy” to apologise to the child when they have got it wrong. (OK putting the brakes on my outrage now).

    I’m sorry it is such a rollercoaster at the moment for you all, but I am glad you are making time to take care of yourself.



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