Thoughts of an adopted adult in the process of adopting a child themselves

In keeping with our week of content from adopted people, today’s guest post is from an adopted adult who wishes to remain anonymous…

I am 29, nearly 30 years old. I am currently nearing the end of stage 1 in the adoption process. I am married to the wonderful Ed, we’ve been married for 3 years now.

So, why did we decide to adopt you may ask, not married long, and not yet 30, isn’t that too young, too soon? Why not try to have your own children first? try a bit longer maybe?

Well, my answer is that I can tell you firsthand that adoption is a truly amazing thing & well, why wait to welcome a much wanted child into a family who can be the loving family they so desperately need. Yes, the adoption rates are going down, and yes, there are seemingly less children for adoption, but we do know that there are children out there still waiting. Why produce another child, when there is hopefully one already there waiting for us.NAW1

Our case is a bit different as we are not coming into adoption after the heartache of infertility. Yes, we tried naturally for a while, but didn’t want the medical tests and interventions. So, we don’t know why we didn’t conceive, and at this time, we don’t want to take it further. We like the fact that for us, adoption was the 1st option, a very much wanted option, and hopefully one day our child/children will understand that it was a conscious decision to choose to find them. I think you’ll agree this is a pretty amazing thing to do.

This is my story, I am myself adopted, at 16months from Bangladesh.
My parents worked in Bangladesh, and whilst they were there they adopted my twin sister and I. I know that adoption changed our lives. I love the fact that my parents chose me, loved me & have given me the best upbringing any child would want.
I know that without my amazing parents, I wouldn’t have made it through school and university. I wouldn’t have become a successful occupational therapist, and I wouldn’t have developed my own christian faith which is so very important to me. They have taught me to be myself, and have supported me every step of the way. I don’t know what I’d do without them, they inspire me so much, and they have inspired me to adopt a child myself.

As any family, we’ve had ups and downs along the way, but it’s been an amazing adventure too, with many laughs and much fun. All my siblings are also adopted, and we’re just about to add another little sister to our family when my parents adopt an 8year old. We’ve lived in several countries, homeschooled whilst abroad, had some beautiful holidays & had many additions to the extended family as my parents also foster.

I know that things have changed since I was adopted, and that it’s difficult to compare my own adoption with the journey that we’re on now to adopt my own child. However, I can’t help thinking that some things these days are over analysed and thought about. Take inter-racial adoption for example, I’ve experienced it, I live it and I’m all for it! (my ethnicity is Bangladeshi, and my adoptive parents are white British) I don’t particularly remember it being a problem for me when I was younger. Yeah, we got strange looks when we were out as a family, but then again we are a larger family with people of all sorts of colours, so of course we were going to attract attention. I don’t remember any nasty comments or remarks. I think that it doesn’t matter what your colour is, as long as you’re safe, loved and have all your immediate needs met, thats all a child needs.
I think it’s sad that there are so many loving families out there who are not given the chance to adopt a child in need just because they don’t look the same, or won’t fit in. I do however totally get that the child’s identity is important, and this in part will come from discovering who they are and where they came from. As long as the family can demonstrate how they will support the child in exploring and forming their own identity, then race/colour should not be a barrier to adoption. We discussed this at our stage 1 group training, and I think that we challenged the social worker to think about her views on the subject. I was surprised that even these days it’s still a very debated subject in adoption, and I wish it wasn’t.

The adoption process is hard work, very hard. I naturally like to be in control, like to be organised, and like for things to happen when they should. The adoption process has challenged me greatly in all these areas. I think it’s preparing me for adoption and the rest of my life when a child joins our family. Im going to have to get used to contact with social services and the endless waiting and chasing involved in health and social care services (I know, I work in & with one!), but it will be a different experience being on the receiving end this time. I know that when a little person comes into our lives, they’l turn our world upside down, and I’m ready for the challenge (and hopefully joy, love and fun) that they’ll bring.

3 thoughts on “Thoughts of an adopted adult in the process of adopting a child themselves

  1. Fiona Rowe

    Thank you for sharing this! I was adopted in the early 1960s, my parents were amazing too! I had foster brothers and sisters from many different nationalities when prejudice and intolerance from outside often made itself heard!
    Its good to read your heartwarming story,its inspiring !

    Reply
  2. Gem

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this post. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you for writing and to Katie and Fiona for replying. There are so many angry posts from adoptees and so much anger towards adopters for “child stealing” these days that your post was a much needed breath of fresh air. I have often said we need to hear from adoptees who feel more positively about adoption as well as seeking to understand the experiences and feelings of those who aren’t. Just lately I’ve felt like I’m living under a cloud of guilt for taking my children’s birth identity and fusing it with my own. Whatever the outcome for their own journey I feel like I can breath an emotional breath of fresh air reading your positive experience. It gives me some much needed hope that what we are doing is the right thing. Xxx

    Reply

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