Trapped by trauma

I feel trapped.
It is a feeling that comes and goes.
At times, I want to walk away, and not look back.
But I know how much damage that will do.
I cannot go.
I cannot ever go because leaving will create such trauma.
He has already suffered so much.
If I go, it will break him and his trust of all will wither.
I’m stuck here.
I hope that I don’t come to resent.
Being forced to stay here, will it make me hate him?
Do I really want to go, or do I just hate that I cannot go if I want to?

Trauma courses through him.
Trauma binds us all together.
Trauma leaks into us all.
Trauma both pushes me away, and ties me here.

Today’s post was written by an anonymous adoptive mother. An honest reflection on how the effects of trauma aren’t limited to those to experience them first hand. Trauma leaks.

2 thoughts on “Trapped by trauma

  1. Anne

    Thank you for sharing this with us. Your words resonate with how I have felt, to greater and lesser degrees, over the past 6 years. We have to come to accept this as our lives now, but it is so hard to accept the trauma a part of the daily norm.
    I hope you find support from those who “get it”.
    Take care.

    Reply
  2. Three Pink Diamonds

    A very heartfelt and honest post. I can relate to how you are feeling. I am struggling with my little one at the moment, it’s not a nice feeling but I believe it is so important to be honest about how we are feeling. Please know that you are not on your own, the more adopters I speak to the more I realise that most parents feel like this at some time in their journeys. I am currently receiving support from my L.A. (I have found them to listen and be non-judgmental, I appreciate it’s not easy talking to your SW) and Adoption UK. Is this something you think you could access, if you are not already? Please feel free to contact me privately via email/blog if you wish to, I feel that as adopters we need to share and support one another.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

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