Today we meet the lovely blogger at 3 Bees and a Honey
Quick 5 – In my life at the moment……….
Book – I am a huge Daphne Du Maurier fan and at the moment I am re-visiting ‘The Loving Spirit’ although with the TV adaptation of ‘Jamaica Inn’ coming very soon, I really should be reading this book again to refresh my memory before I get precious about how they present it (I may have been a little upset by the 1997 TV adaptation of ‘Rebecca’)
Music – When I am feeling wound up – Andre Rieu or Meatloaf, and on my goofy days – anything with a fun beat to dance to
TV programme– Neighbours, Home and Away, & Dance Moms (there’s nothing like watching crazy American mums to make you feel like you are normal).
Food– I am an incredibly fussy eater and the repertoire of food I will eat is pretty small but I can never resist a nice tasty toasted steak sandwich
Pastime– Blogging, Ballroom dancing, Walking Beedog
What is your biggest challenge as an adoptive parent?
Crikey, I think it would be easier to say what ‘isn’t’ a big challenge for me. “No matter what the boys throw at me, I am and will always be there for them. I will never give up on them, no matter”. As for biggest challenge, there are so many I wouldn’t know where to start – Schools (managing lack of understanding, misinterpretations, splitting etc), prejudices/ignorance within our local community, keeping myself regulated while hearing for the one hundredth time “all kids do that”, Oh heck keeping myself regulated full stop. I guess at the moment my biggest challenge is keeping everyone happy while trying to manage my own feelings of helplessness, loss, grief, mistrust, guilt, inadequacy and knowing that I do not have the courage to seek the support that I need for fear of being blamed again.
What do you wish you had known before you adopted your children?
The incredible and dramatic impact their trauma bond has on my boys. They adore each other but it is such profound effect on them both (especially Buzzbee) that the simplest flick of an eyebrow can send one or the other into a downward spiral.
At the weekend I can mostly be found…
‘Fighting fires’ in other words. I can be found managing the fallout from the latest argument, upset or fight that has broken out between the boys (trauma bonds suck). When I am not refereeing disagreements, I can be found fighting a losing battle with de-cluttering the house (Bumble has his mother’s hording gene and the boys don’t believe in rubbish bins or throwing away damaged toys/clothes/packaging/sweet wrappers etc.)
Who is your favourite adoption blogger?
Oh that is not fair!! I couldn’t possibly choose. There are so many fantastic bloggers over on The Adoption Social site and each and every one of them has their own unique style, which I love.
What do you think is your biggest source of support?
Oh gosh, a couple of months ago I would have said it would have to have been knowing that if I was having a particularly difficult time with the boys or an issue related to their early years trauma, I could contact Jemima (Beeswax’s previous therapist) or Wise Owl (previous PASW) to discuss it with them or simply offload and know that they would listen to my ranting without judging me. Never underestimate the power of having someone validating your own feelings, especially when you are filled with shame for not feeling ‘warm and fuzzy’ towards your traumatised children – it has been my saving grace more times than I can count. Sadly neither of them are now employed by our LA.
Having said this, our LA do organise a monthly attachment support group for adoptive parents (I believe they do the same for their foster and kinship carers also). This is now probably one of my biggest sources of support (although generally I am more inclined to end up offering support to other mums attending rather than asking for support myself).
If you could take your children anywhere in the world to see something where would you go?
Ok if I pretend for the moment that the thought alone of travelling on an aeroplane with my boys wouldn’t send me spiralling in to an epic panicked state – where would I take them?
Wow, there are so many places. I suppose each of us have dreams of visiting different places. Beeswax would love for us to take him to Rio for the football World Cup. Buzzbee would love to go to Florida or more precisely, he would love to go to Disneyland and SeaWorld. Bumble would love to take the boys to the ‘Valley of the kings’ in Egypt. As for me I would love to take them to Petra in Jordan.
What makes you and/or your family laugh?
If you were to ask the boys and Bumble this question they would say “anything mummy does that she didn’t mean to do or say”. It is common knowledge to our family and friends that I am a complete ditz and routinely have ‘blonde moments’ (it was a standard joke with our SW Shamrock during our home study sessions).
I can be counted on to unintentionally make others fall about laughing.
As for what makes me laugh – it has to be Buzzbee and Beeswax’s amusing excuses for doing something or getting themselves out of trouble.