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3 Bees and a Honey – Me & My Blog

This post is part of our Me & My Blog/My Twitter brotherly loveLife section where bloggers share the reasons why they blog and tweet. If you want to contribute to this section, please do comment below or contact us. Today, Honey shares why she writes 3 Bees and a Honey

Ok confession time! I originally began using Twitter as a tool to keep an eye on Beeswax’s EBD school, who were routinely posting images of him on their website without ours or Social Services’ permission. Their communication with parents was dire, but their ability to ‘tweet’ links to new information on their site was incredible. As the weeks went I found that, when I wasn’t obsessively monitoring school’s tweets, I would start searching for topics/tweeters that shared a common interest and began to follow them. I rarely commented or actively sent any tweets in the early days because I did not feel confident enough in myself and felt that I would be intruding in strangers’ lives (pathetic but true) but if it hadn’t been for Twitter I wouldn’t have come across #WASO (weekly adoption shout out) or The Adoption Social website and I would not be writing this now.

So how did I get here?

I have always been quite a shy, private kind of person and for as long as I can remember I have used writing to not only get me through the bad times but also to document the good times. However, until I began working with Beeswax’s wonderful CAMHS therapist I had never allowed anyone to know of the existence of my writing, let alone read anything I wrote, but just when our family started to disintegrate and it looked like we were on a collision course with disruption for Beeswax, I decided to take a very brave (or foolish) step and confide in Jemima about the effect Beeswax’s trauma was having on me and my fears for the future.  I did something I had never done before. I allowed her to read my diary and waited for the fallout – which never happened! Instead of being presented with a barrage of criticism and scorn, she reassured me that everything I was feeling was perfectly understandable and supported me through a very dark time.

In the wake of a very difficult year, she gave me the greatest gift she could ever give – acceptance!

As for how I came to starting writing a blog. In all honesty Jemima was instrumental in this. She would regularly compliment my honest writing and tease me (she knew that I found receiving compliments or drawing attention to myself very difficult and loved trying to push me just outside my comfort zone) by suggesting that I should turn it into a book. I wasn’t ready for that, however she had planted a seed in my mind. Could it be possible for me to share my thoughts in such an open way without feeling that I would be exposing myself too much or jeopardising my family’s security?

I used to be quite nervous about using social media sites.

I felt that I didn’t know enough to safely allow my thoughts, feeling and personal family information to be released into the public arena that is the internet (and the boys’ birth family history meant that I needed to be extra careful). Undeterred and somewhat on a mission I started to research how I could go about writing a blog whilst maintaining mine and my family’s anonymity. Although I am cautious about Facebook I do have my own page (in my real name) but very quickly I found that I felt I couldn’t use this as a platform for talking about our ‘Adoption Journey’, and I found myself feeling more and more isolated. There were times I felt extremely jealous that I couldn’t share with friends and family information about the boys because we would be too easily identifiable if searched for by birth family. I was already a member of Adoption UK and used the message boards from time to time and dipped in and out of several blogs that I could identify with on their site, but it wasn’t until BAAF National Adoption week 2012 that I took the final step. Through reading Sally Donovan’s blog I found Life with Katie, who was featuring guest bloggers on her site as a way of promoting National Adoption Week.

Suddenly a whole new world opened up to me.  Not only were there people there blogging about their adoption journeys, they were all doing it with minimal fear of jeopardising their families’ safety.  I know this will sound daft, but it had never occurred to me that I could use a pseudo name to enable me to write what I wanted, without fear of being identified. So tentatively I dipped my toe in the water and asked Bumble to help me set up a blog site and decided that there was no better time to launch it than during National Adoption week. At the time I didn’t expect anyone else to ever want to read it (I felt that there were so many bloggers who were so much better at getting their thoughts across than I ever could be) and thought that I would probably very quickly lose my nerve and stop writing. But instead something wonderful happened.

Not only was I very quickly bitten by the blogging bug, but suddenly strangers were writing comments and lovely ones too on my posts!

Similar to the fears I had when I opened up to Jemima, all the negative thoughts I had, about how what I wrote would be received, were unfounded and instead I had again found people who TRULY understood what it was like to parent children like my boys. 

Writing my blog has proven not only to be a therapeutic experience for myself but I have found a community of caring, funny and inspirational adoption tweeter/bloggers who are not only there to share the good times with you but to offer you support when times are tough.

And if you want to read Honey’s blog, then click here.