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Meet The Blogger: But All Kids Do That

Today we welcome a Meet the Blogger post from Sarah at But All Kids Do That

Quick 5 – In my life at the moment….

Book – The most recent book I read which was at my GP’s suggestion was a beginner’s guide to yoga.  It was terrible (the book, not yoga).  About an hour into it I found myself sat on the floor drinking wine and swearing.  This did, in fact, help me feel less stressed but maybe I’ll try a class instead.

Music – Muse and Queens of the Stone Age are probably top of my listen list at the moment.

TV programmes – I am just not a big TV watcher, I much prefer PC games.  Heroes of the Storm and EVE at the moment, but I do like a good first person shooter.

Food – I love good food, but my sneaky treat whenever my husband works late is oven chips and fried eggs.  I only eat the yolks.  He doesn’t know, and the waste would really bug him.

Pastime – Aside from gaming, I exercise a lot.  Running, swimming, gym, and hopefully soon learning to ride a bike properly to try a triathlon.

What is your biggest challenge as an adoptive parent?
By far the biggest challenge I have is balancing the needs of my two very different children, each with their own very different problems, and managing their difficult and fraught relationship with each other.

What do you wish you had known before you adopted your children?
I wish I had known how isolating adopting would be, and that there would simply be no-one to talk to who would just accept what I or my husband said about our children.  I would have felt a lot less upset, anger and disappointment if I’d had lower expectations.  I would also have spent a lot less time trying to change minds, and a lot more time simply telling people how things were going to be when it came to my children.

Why did you start blogging about adoption?
I blog because it allows me to express the frustrations, joy, pride, anger, love, resentment and many other things that I simply can’t voice to anyone “real” in our lives at the moment.

Where do you get your blogging inspiration from?
I wouldn’t call it inspiration, I don’t normally know where my blog posts are going, and a lot don’t get published.

Tea/Gin?
Yes please.  Well, more wine than gin really.  And definitely plenty of tea.

What do you think is your biggest source of support?
My biggest boost is my kids.  The good times I have with them keep me going through the difficult times.  The smile, the “I love you Mummy”, the kindness, there are always enough good bits that it makes the bad bits OK.

Reward charts yes/no?
No, this sort of parenting just doesn’t work with my kids.

What is the best or most memorable piece of advice you have ever received?
That there is no quick fix, no “right” parenting trick that will solve behaviour issues which are routed in attachment problems or the result of early trauma.  It’s a long game, and in the short term all we can do is manage the behaviour, build the relationship, and make the most of what good time we can have together.

My perfect adoption support would include…
I don’t entirely know what my perfect support would include because we haven’t even got close to scratching the surface of what’s needed.  Right now, a comprehensive assessment of both children and ongoing therapeutic support for the whole family to help us help our daughter and live with the impact of her early trauma and an assessment for ADHD for both children, and sensory processing issues for our daughter.

When I look into the eyes of my child I see…
When I look into my son’s eyes I see trust and mischief.  He is an adorable rascal, a complete handful under the best of circumstances, but he has a basic joy and faith in the world which all children this age should have.

When I look into my daughter’s eyes I see turmoil and defiance.  Even when she’s smiling and seems happy, even when she looks at me and tells me she loves me, there is no peace for her.

The difference is so clear it is like night and day, and it makes me indescribably sad.

The best thing we did this week was….
The best thing we did this week was pick blackberries and make them into crumble.  Or maybe that was last week, I’m not sure.  This week we rolled down the hill in the park and got covered in grass.  That was pretty good fun.

If you could take your children anywhere in the world to see something where would you go?
To the circus, and we’re going, tomorrow.

What I hope I can give to my child/Children?
My children are three and four.  I want to give them a childhood full of normal childhood things, and the ability to enjoy them.

At the weekend I can mostly be found…
At the park, swimming baths, rugby pitch, zoo, or anywhere else out and about where I can take my kids to have fun and run around.

What makes you and/or your family laugh?
My son and his various three year old antics.  He’s a comic, and even our daughter is tickled by it.  Let’s just say that when he grows up I will have lots of stories to tell anyone he brings home. Also photos, and videos too, my poor boy!

You can read more from Sarah on her blog at http://butallkidsdothat.blogspot.co.uk/