A weekly blog from a family made by adoption, warmed by the laughter, broken by the sadness, held together by love with a big dollop of hope, oh, and often soaked in mummy tears.
Last week saw Dad away from home for three days, that’s a long time in my eyes to be doing it on my own. It always makes me feel so very much in awe of those amazing single adopters out there. It’s an odd one really because often when he’s here “interfering” with my smooth running parenting machine (if you believe this well….), I think “just go away, this would be easier without you”.
Small was an enormous handful for most of the three days, starting with refusing bed on Tuesday night and threatening to run away. In his anger he littered the hallway with anything he could find to throw, bags, shoes, piles of neatly folded washing. I managed to placate him but it was late and I hadn’t had any down time so I ended up staying up later than I can cope with.
So a late night plus bad night’s sleep saw me feeling fragile and vulnerable Wednesday morning and unprepared for a school refusal battle. But that’s what I had on my hands; he just didn’t want to go.
Wednesday morning is also a yoga teaching morning for me at 9.30am, so there was little time to negotiate, bribe or cajole. Running late we collected a book for him and headed to yoga, where he spent the session reading in a corner.
After the class we had time to talk and I could see that maybe he wasn’t a hundred percent well. He had a tickly cough and the sniffles. However, more the problem I feel, he seemed anxious about a certain lesson where the teacher is “shouty and strict”.
I have spoken with school regarding this and hopefully a word in the right direction will see a change in said teachers approach with Small.
Thursday saw Small still under the weather and Tall expected at therapy. We end up taking Small with us and again he reads, this time in the waiting room whilst Tall and I have our session.
There was some progress in this week’s session where we stuck with Tall’s emotions of self doubt and dislike for himself a little longer than previously and started to explore how this felt for him. “ I feel like I am all bad” he explained.
Tall thankfully wanted to go back into school for his Tech lesson after the session, so it was only Small at home for the following therapy review meeting taking place at our house. This saw the therapist, our existing Social Worker, who is about to leave and our newly allocated social worker, all sipping coffee in our lounge. Small is safely ensconced upstairs.
By the time they leave my head is a whirl with our chaotic life. Our new social worker obviously required some background information to understand how we have got to our current position in therapy. I always find it so draining having to go through all the drudge and darkness of our lives.
Thankfully Tall has a good day at school and we are able to relax after school, I relax on my bed very tired and very much looking forward to my husband’s return later that evening.
I know Small played me a bit this week and added to my busy week, with not going to school. I think he sensed I didn’t have the battle in me. And I would have done all the meetings and running around without my husband too, even if he had been at home. However I missed his presence, that other dimension to my life which is a helping pair of hands, a shoulder to lean on or an ear to bend.
So whilst I sometimes complain about dad’s approach to parenting, “all is forgiven, I confess I need you here”.
In Other News
Small and I attended his school production of Bugsy Malone on Friday and wow what an amazing production it was. Small was very impressed and can’t wait to be involved in the next production.
Small has also started going to the gym in a desire to become as strong and fast as Wonder Woman.
I’ve been very impressed with Tall saving his pocket money for five weeks to buy a game he wants. I know how hard it is to not seek the instant gratification that spending his pocket money brings. Something his brother I think would find almost impossible.