A weekly blog from a family made by adoption, warmed by the laughter, broken by the sadness, held together by love with a big dollop of hope, oh, and often soaked in mummy tears.
This week Small had a friend over for tea. Of course with everything seeming to go so well with him, at the moment, I made the mistake of thinking that this would be fun.
Small has obviously been missing his friends whilst he’s not been in his mainstream school and I have organised for the occasional friend to come for tea. These meetings have always gone pretty well, the friends Small has chosen have been laid back, accepting of Small and happy to play along with him. Not so this week.
We collected the friend on our way home from school and arrived home to a grumpy and unhappy Tall. Having spent all day in internal exclusion he had not enjoyed his day in school and seemed determined to let us all know. Cue a tantrum over something I can’t recall, with threats being made to me, over behaviour I could expect, if I didn’t give in to his request. Words were exchanged.
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t swear at teachers if you don’t want to be excluded”
“I’ll trash my bedroom”
I’ve had a bad day”
“join the club”
Small’s friend stood with his jaw wide, unable to believe the audacity of my son, and later asks “did he really say that to you?”
First rule of having friends over, no family fights whilst you have visitors, broken.
So you know that time is of the essence for me at the moment, finding time between having a child at home, being in school with child, driving child to and from other school, meetings, phone calls about one or other of children, finding time to do the everyday things that need doing can be tough. Like shopping.
Small and friend had requested that friend to tea staple, chicken nuggets, and usually there is always said food in the freeze, however not this time.
So having settled Small and friend down to play the Wii, I took the grumpy one to the supermarket with me. Don’t worry the husband was also at home.
Half an hour later I come through the door to husband shouting down the stairs,
“You really need to sort him out”
Whilst out Small had threatened to stab his friend, reassuring him “there are plenty of knives in this house”
Friend is hiding out in the kitchen, whilst a seething very stressed Small is pacing his bedroom. Friend would like to go home, understandably and is a little upset. I however can’t find his mum’s phone number and am also trying to calm Small and get to the bottom of what happen.
It seems there was a control issue, over playing a certain game. Friend is oldest of three boys and I think might be used to bossing his brothers about. Small obviously will NOT be bossed and when also told that his selection is “stupid”, full on survival mode has been activated in Small.
I manage to placate both and they agree to have another go, it doesn’t go completely smoothly but we get through to mum collecting without any stabbings. I then need to explain to mum what has happened.
I look for a flicker, something in her eyes, which will tell me what she is thinking, as I relay her how my son threatened hers. I reassure her that he really would never do such a thing and smile hoping to make a connection. It wasn’t there, she leaves with her son and I have no idea how she’s taken it.
Once gone Small deteriorates into one of the biggest meltdowns we’ve ever experienced with him. I spend the next hour racing between the front and back door as he tries to escape. I’m spat at, kicked, thumbed and called an array of colourful names.
The whole experience is exhausting and when everything is finally over a couple of hours later and I fall into bed, I sob uncontrollably at the unfairness of it all.
In Other News
Without the whole friend for Tea incident Small manages to still have an extremely good week in school, and we are looking to increase his time in mainstream by half an hour next week.
Small however did complain at the weekend that he’s really fed up with having to behave all the time.
Tall has managed to miss some pretty big pieces of homework he needs to do. He is sometimes out of mainstream classrooms so blames this fact on not knowing, but I’m on to it and he has got a lot to do next week to catch up, wish me luck.