Tag Archives: help

Desperately seeking help…

I’m so cross I don’t know where to begin.

We have had so many issues with our local authority post adoption support team – they have taken so long to process requests, reply to emails, come and assess us for support, and we don’t feel they are in anyway supportive.
We’ve asked for referrals (to CAMHS, theraplay), that have never happened.
We’ve asked for advice, and been fobbed off or ignored. 
We asked for help with letterbox writing, it hasn’t been forthcoming. 
We have continually requested later life letters, we haven’t had them yet though.Problem
We pushed past our social worker and approached the post adoption manager, we were again fobbed off, with blame aimed at staff shortages, sickness, no record of our request, no record of our complaint etc etc

After 3 years of this, we complained to the head of children’s services. We were promised an internal investigation. 6 months later, we’re no better off.

We’re both suffering with depression, but luckily have very good support from our friends and family. But in terms of support, complaints and help for our children, we just don’t know where to turn? Councillors? MP? Newspapers? Adoption UK? Who can give us the advice we need? And who can help us escalate our complaints and actually get us the help we need?

If you’ve got any help or advice for this parent, please do reply in the comments below.

How do you find support?


Sometimes we need help and we don’t know where to get it from.
I suppose the main support sources are family and friends, but there’s also post adoption support, school, school nurses, therapists, counsellors and other health professionals.

These days, I find help from all those sources difficult though. We’ve gone too far along our journey to find many who’ve experienced what we have and as a result I find little comfort in speaking to those who understand the theory, but lack the real experiences, lack the raw emotion of parenting a traumatised child.

I have a few, very close, amazing friends and they are great for letting me sound off, whinge, cry, rant, celebrate and boast, but even with the amazing personal support they give me, they can’t empathise and truly understand what my family lives through. They are fantastic at letting my children just be children though, and I so appreciate that even with all they know (and they know A LOT), they don’t judge my children or pity them for their pasts.

My family simply don’t see much of the violence or challenges. My children are charm personified in front of their grandparents, and turn into gremlins the moment the front door closes. As much as they believe me, and do their best to support me, they simply cannot see the same children and as such don’t really know how to help.

IMG_20141127_153835I’m aware of this…isolation that I’m putting myself into. Don’t get me wrong – I have normal relationships with other mums, we go out for coffee, we talk about the day to day stuff about school uniforms, dieting, the weather, good books, homework and the star of the week. We have family friends that we occasionally manage a day trip with, but again, we talk about work, the car, what the kids watch on TV, how well they’re eating…normal parent stuff.


But I don’t talk about the real things that affect me and my family.
That gets compartmentalised and discussed only with other adoptive parents that live the same kind of life that I do. After all, how many people really understand trauma? Or really get neglect? My normal mum friends don’t – one joked the other day about the circle of neglect she was buying for her baby (an inflatable baby nest), it took a lot for me to bite my tongue and not tell her about REAL neglect…the kind my daughter endured.

The Adoption Social provides the links I need. It’s even managed to find me a couple of people in my local area and we’ve connected via email, and hope to meet up. But I need more. I need more people to get in touch with, and I want better local support. All my local adopters groups have been running for years – the people that go have teenagers and know each other of old, and, I don’t fit. I’ve never been one for cliques. So where now? Where do you get your support from? Am I too needy? Am I expecting too much? I never meant to rant about my lack of support, but I’d love to know how others manage…

So where do you get support from? We hope that here on The Adoption Social we can put you in touch with other adopters, tweeters and bloggers who you can chat with but is that enough?
If you want to write about an issue that you feel strongly about, then please do send your posts into theadoptionsocial@gmail.com

Which way?

A problem shared is just that, a place for you to share your problems and for other readers to respond, support you and give some useful advice. Today’s problem comes from a concerned mum and regards her dealings with their health visitor….
Which direction

Which way do you turn for help and advice?

I mean, my child is young and recently placed, so we still have the health visiting team on hand. But how do you know when an issue is health-related, or part of a child’s normal development (or not), or when it’s related to their background, and requires more specialist advice from say, a social worker or post adoption team?

I’ve been accused by the health visiting team of blaming everything on my child’s past, but I don’t feel they take past trauma into account.

My health visitor has often just snatched my child away from me to weigh and measure without a second thought for our growing bonds and attachment. She’s even put the nappy on for us afterwards even though I’ve told her that primary care should only come from me at the moment.

I’m not sure where to turn when I have problems anymore, all I want is the best for my child. Any suggestions? Have you encountered similar problems with any of the professionals involved with your family?

Can you give any advice to this concerned contributor? if so please comment below.

If you have a problem you would like some advice on please contact us here, these posts can be completely anonymous if you wish.  



Help with hitting out

ProblemOur son, though extremely loving has a tendency to lash out for unknown reasons.

Sometimes he is tired, sometimes frustrated, sometimes over-excited – all of these we cope with. Occasionally however he will approach either of us, and just hit us. Any help would be appreciated.

Have you got experience of young children reacting like this? How have you handled it? Did it stop by itself? Post your comments and advice here.