Tag Archives: sharing

Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 142

Well hello there, welcome back to the Weekly Adoption Shout Out!waso 142How’s your week been? Have you been up to much?
Tell us all about what you’ve been doing/thinking/reading in your posts this week and then link them up to the Weekly Adoption Shout Out. Or if you need a little inspiration you could use our theme ‘Making Plans’.

We’ll -as usual- do our best to share your posts on Facebook and Twitter, perhaps you could help us out and share some too?



Is it good to share?

We’re pleased to share this thoughtful guest post today from Charlotte, an adoptive mum of two…

I had an interesting conversation in the playground this morning which got me thinking…

Mum K: XXX has been really difficult recently. She’s a good girl, they play nicely, but when I leave the room she bickers with her sister.

Me: Oh my two are like that too. The entire summer was just the two of them bickering constantly.

Mum M: Really? I thought your two were really good. They seem so polite and kind and when I look at your Facebook all I see is lovely photos of you all looking happy and smiling.

Me: Oh no. K really hates T. The only reason I only share the good bits is because I don’t want to fill my timeline with negative stuff and I have other Facebook groups where I share the difficult stuff.

Mum K: I’m so glad I’m not the only one. When I look at Facebook all I see are lovely photos of families and happy children, but then I actually talk to other mums and find out that all children are like it, or at least, aren’t the angels that we perceive them to be. 

And so the conversation continued. We realised that our 5 year old daughters were all behaving similarly, and commiserated over the frustrations involved. We concluded that it’s good to talk and not just rely on the projected or perceived images.

That was a conversation between me and two mums of birth children. They both know my ‘status’ as an adoptive mum. What I found particularly interesting is that they’re right of course!
On Facebook, and online generally I share my good days to the world, and my bad days within my adoptive parents groups, and seemingly, most of my adoptive parent contacts do that too.

In some of my adoptive parent groups, you often see a status preceded by ‘I couldn’t share this on my own wall but…’ or ‘You saw the positive pics on my wall, but in reality….’.

On forums and on Twitter I tend to share the shittier days because I know I’m surrounded by people that get it and can give me support. And that’s what I tend to see too. I wouldn’t want to share the good days too often in those places because it might seem like bragging to those who are really struggling.

But from my conversation today, it’s clear that others – birth parents – have struggles with their children too. Of course they do. All children can be challenging at times.

I’ve always felt a little concerned about sharing the difficult days on my normal Facebook page.
– Will I come across as ungrateful, after all I have 2 beautiful children?
– Will I be judged?
– Will I look negative all the time?
– Do people really care about my struggles?
– Aren’t everyone else’s children perfect? Won’t mine look awful in comparison?
– Will it bring it home that I’m crap at being a mum?
– Is it fair on my kids to tell the world they’re being little toe-rags?

But actually, after today, I think all it’s done for me is isolate me from some people who could be understanding and supportive. And it’s isolated them by making them feel that it’s only their children that have problems sometimes.
In addition, it explains their reactions in the past to comments I’ve made about particular challenges and behaviours. I’ve presented such a good picture of my family that on those odd occasions where I’ve talked about the bad days they’ve been seen as recoverable minor one-offs rather than the pretty major, violent difficulties that they are.

So what now? Well, I’ll continue to post about the great days, and I’ll continue to seek support from my adopter-only groups, but perhaps I won’t feel quite so bad about sharing the disastrous days occasionally.
What about you? Do you manage to share a balanced view of your life? Do you keep it all in or are you open?

Summer #Memorybox

MBbadgeSummer holidays in full swing? No time to blog? Then we have just the thing for you!

 

We know that during the holidays when you have the children to entertain, holidays to plan and pack for, uniform shopping to contend with, and activity days & playdates to chauffeur your children to, blogging isn’t the top of your to-do list, so we fully understand if you don’t get around to linking up to the Weekly Adoption Shout Out over the next few weeks.

So we’ve decided to bring back #Memorybox for the duration of the holidays so even if you can’t write a whole blog post, perhaps you can link up a photo or short post, or share a memory with us. You don’t even have to have a blog to join in this one – you can link up tweets or Instagram photos. Show us your summer memories and positive moments. The linky is open now, and will remain open until the end of 11 September.

Sharing your positive moments might encourage others who having a more challenging time, and they’re a lovely way to remember the best bits of your summer. So come on, get sharing.



Two ways to share a post

Every week on #WASO, we talk about sharing your favourite posts on Twitter, Facebook and amongst your networks, but do you actually know how to do this?

Well worry not, because this week we’re going to talk about a couple of ways of sharing posts.

Copy and paste the URL

So the URL is basically the address of a blog post or web page. It begins with http:// or sometimes just www.
When you want to share a blog or website, you share the whole www. address i.e www.theadoptionsocial.com.

However, if there is a specific page or post then you need to use the whole address i.e http://theadoptionsocial.com/weekly-adoption-shout-out/weekly-adoption-shout-out-waso-week-106/

To copy the link, you need to highlight/select it in the address bar of your browser, and then press ctrl+c. This stores it to your computer’s clipboard.

To paste it, create your facebook post/tweet/email etc, then press ctrl+v. This will paste the link in from your clipboard.

We appreciate that if you’re sharing on Twitter then sometimes these long URLs aren’t easy to share, so we wrote a post about shortening links so they better fit in tweets.

**Incidentally, this is what you should do for linkys too, as it helps direct people to the exact post you are linking rather than your blog, when people then have to scroll through to find the relevant post**

Use the social media buttons

On the bottom of many posts, articles, web pages and images, you’ll see some icons for different social media platforms. If you want to share that particular post, it’s really easy for you to select which platform you want to share to by simply clicking on the button. Below is the bottom of one of our #WASO posts, along with all the sharing buttons…sharing buttonsSometimes the icons can look a little daunting, especially if unfamiliar to you. The ones we use here on The Adoption Social are, in the order shown above:

Facebook
Twitter
StumbleUpon
LinkedIn
Google+
Pinterest
Sharexy (if you hover over this, you’ll get a host of other sharing options too)

Whichever you click on will take you to that platform and you can log in and hit share.

It’s really quite simple, and once you’ve managed it a couple of times, you’ll be sharing all your favourite posts!

The Adoption Social Times

It’s time to shout about all the things we’re doing on The Adoption Social…

#WASO
Ever popular, The Weekly Adoption Shout Out is still strong and still going. One of our recent #WASOs saw 30 posts link up which might well be a record for a standard week! We’ve had some interesting themes – some seem to have really inspired you lovely bloggers, so hopefully well be able to bring you some more inspiration with our next lot of themes:AProblemSharedrequest

6 March – Ways to keep positive
20 March – Introducing change
3 April – My best chocolate recipe

#WASO Top 3
Yes we really did have a request to bring back this monthly post. I think the person suggested that they enjoyed the sense of competition. We don’t do it for that reason, but like to post some of our favourites as a showcase, and to help our readers find posts they might have missed. And I can tell you, that there have been a number of occasions where I’ve wished it was a Top10 as it’s difficult to narrow them down to 3!
P.S We love seeing the ‘whoop, I made the Top 3′ tweets, so keep ’em coming, and we’ll keep sharing our Top 3.

Interview with an Adopted Child
Never meant as a regular slot, but posts that have provoked some support, our interviews with adopted children have been popular. We’ve published two so far, one as a standard blog post, and the other as a You Tube video. We’ve also had a request for a post with a full set of questions in (you’ll see that this week hopefully). It can be hard to talk to your child about adoption, and most of the advice you’ll find it about wondering and doing it therapeutically, however, this interview style can make it more of a game – dress up as newsreaders? Use a Dictaphone? Let your child question you back? So if you feel like interviewing your own child, and want to share it, then please do let us know and we’ll (anonymously) publish it.
I must stress the children already interviewed have given express permission to share their responses.

Other posts this month:

Ever thought about claiming Disability Living Allowance? This post gives some tips on how to do it.

We gave you a review on a children’s book about adoption.

We brought you news about the new Cornerstone project – a buddy scheme for prospective and new adopters.

Jenny from Inspired Foundations write a brilliant guest post about Pupil Premium Plus.

Tips on Twitter

Hands up if you love a hashtag?
*Puts hand straight up*

Yes here on The Adoption Social we do like a hashtag, and we’ve had some great hashtag initiatives recently from the Twitter community – #TakingCare, #HowAreYou, #TakingCare100 and our own #WASO too.

So we’ve thought of a new one that might help with a bit more sharing of tips, resources and general usefulness – Adoption Tips or #Adotips. 1421672780517

There is such a wealth of knowledge out there and we want you to share it. Whether it’s a parenting tip, recommended website, strategy, technique, course, book, blog or even another Tweeter that has been particularly inspiring or helpful. Just make sure you add the hashtag in your tweet and we’ll share it, and try to offer a regular round up here on The Adoption Social.
And if you see an #Adotips tweet that you agree/disagree with or can add to, then please do.

Snap Happy.

Today lovely Suddenly Mummy shares a snappy moment,

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I am asked on a weekly basis how OB gets on with Baby Girl, and I think this photo sums it up pretty well. He was on the swing first, and asked for me to put BG on with him. Once he had her, he curled himself around her and arranged them both into this beautifully intimate cuddle.

At the back of my mind, there is always concern about how my decision to continue fostering will affect OB. I wonder whether the appearance and disappearance of all these children will affect his own sense of security and stability. Maybe it will, but I believe it will also bring incredible benefits and a wealth of rich experiences that we couldn’t have any other way.

We’ll see how it turns out but, if this picture is anything to go by, I am feeling positive.

Do you have a moment captured that we could share?

Contact us at theadoptionsocial@gmail.com

Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO Week 83

Oh yes, it’s #WASO time…

waso 83Welcome to Week 83 (yes, really) of the Weekly Adoption Shout Out. This week we’d love for you to link up any posts you’ve published recently, and any you’ve found elsewhere that you like. We do have a theme for this week, but it’s always optional, so if you can’t write about ‘SHARING’, we still invite you to join in and link up.

The way it works – you paste in the URL of your blog post into the form below. Add your email address too (just so we can contact you in the event of any issues with your link), and then it appears in the list on The Adoption Social. We read as many as we can, then we share them on Facebook and Twitter.

What you get out of it – well, hopefully more readers, new readers, and readers that can empathise and support and understand. Not only is it free publicity, but it’s also a chance to become part of a supportive online community.

Here’s the linky:


Exciting new link-up on it’s way…

With the Summer nearly upon us, we know you’ll all be busy keeping the children occupied. So instead of our usual #Memory Box Mondays, we’re bringing you a new link-up for the Summer holidays where we’ll invite you to add posts about your Summer activities.

 

Some of you are so creative and come up with amazing activities and opportunities for Sandpit siblingsyour children, some of you need a little inspiration at times, so by sharing your summer fun on ‘Summer Sandpit‘ you get to show us what you’ve been up to, and get ideas from other bloggers too. We want all your posts on what you’ve been doing with the children – fun times, rainy day activities, crafts, cooking, day trips, outside play, any anything else that you do over the summer.

 

Each linky will be open from Monday morning to Sunday evening, and we’ll share as many posts as we can on Facebook and Twitter. We’re also creating a Pinterest board where we’ll add all your summer activity posts.

 

And we’re going to give you a bit of inspiration too, with our optional themes:

28 July – Nature

4 August – Crafts

11 August – Cooking

18 August – Active play

25 August – Den building

1 September – Days Out

 

If you’re stuck for ideas to get you going, then you could check out our review of Getting Your Children Offline, Outdoors and Back to Nature, that we’re publishing tomorrow, and of course there is always Pinterest for some great ideas too.

So watch out for Summer Sandpit starting on 28 July.

And as always we have a lovely badge you can add to your post or website to let everyone know you’re part of our Summer Sandpit.

The Adoption Social

Admitting feelings

Being an adoptive parent can be quite isolating at the best of times, but so much more so if you’re struggling to find an emotional connection with your child; this stranger who now inhabits, nay, has taken over, your home and to whom you feel you are expected to love unconditionally and even feel grateful for having.

It is well documented on Twitter and elsewhere that my husband and I struggled for the first I would say, 6 months, when our daughter came home. She was nearly 3 when placed but with the vocabulary of a 6 year old, the kick and punch of a prize fighter, the bite of a lion and the emotional age of a 1 year old.

That was tough.

Baby time

So when her baby brother arrived, aged 7.5 months, a contented bundle of cuteness, who had already melted the heart of his sometimes hard-to-reach daddy, I thought, ‘this will be a doddle’. We were well prepared for our daughter’s regression and handled it quite well (notice the careful use of the word ‘quite’!) and when daddy went back to work after his statutory 2 weeks leave, I was ready.

Or so I thought.

It didn’t quite happen like that though. I found having a non-verbal, crawling, demanding baby absolutely exhausting. The sterilising, the second-guessing, the feeling of helplessness, the nappies! I guess most new parents feel like that, and boy, did I feel guilty. On top of that, I also felt resentment. Not towards him I don’t think, but towards Social Services. He had been removed at birth whilst his sister had endured goodness knows what in the ‘family’ home and then nearly 2 years in Foster Care.

It wasn’t fair.

I really struggled to bond with him while I had these battles in my head.
I was really happy he’d been removed early but at the same time I felt let down on his sister’s behalf. I asked one night whether my husband loved our baby and I was taken aback by a man not known for his emotional outpourings to suddenly gush his reply and he even had a tear in his eye. He ended by saying, “Do you?” “Er yes. Obviously,” I replied, hiding my face and quickly changing the subject.

I couldn’t tell him. I went online and found a lot about how ‘I loved our (adopted) baby before we even met, our (adopted) baby is amazing and I love them so much etc’, but there was nobody like me.

I covered up my feelings to everyone but privately spent a lot of time in tears. I was scared to tell our SW, even though in hindsight I am positive she’d be nothing but supportive. I was afraid she’d send somebody round to our house to watch us ‘in action’ (as we had had with our daughter – along with camhs) and having been through it once, the thought of yet more appointments and people watching and judging and coming into our home filled me with dread.

Eventually, one tearful night (wine may have been involved), I spoke to my husband and it all tumbled out. He was fantastic and we resolved to share more of the childcare – it had previously been very much, me and daughter (to whom I have a fantastic attachment – albeit ambivalent on her part but we’re working on that), him and son. I did a lot of hands on with the baby and lots of the Theraplay techniques I’d learnt with our daughter. It didn’t help that we were stuck indoors a lot of the time due to the bad winter.

As the weather began to lift, so did my mood. Seeing the interaction between brother and sister was amazing, as was seeing his development. I vividly remember going into his room one morning, feeling fearful of the day ahead (must have been school holidays!) and he looked up from his cot, gave me a smile that lit up Britain, stretched out his arms and said, “Hiya!”. I wept and it was a turning point.

The reason I’m writing this (and I’m aware of how selfish and dare I say, ungrateful, it makes me sound) is because I surely can’t be the only person that has had these feelings? There must be others who have felt or who are feeling equally as scared, ashamed and guilty and if there are (and I hope you are reading), you must talk to someone, either online or in ‘real life’; there’s nothing to feel bad about and nothing to lose – just a whole lot of happiness to gain.

With very many thanks to the lovely Kat who tweets @On_the_Edge. You can read a little more about her over on our Contributors Page.

This post is part of our Blogless Blogging or Anonymous Post section, if you have a story you’d like to tell here please fill in our contact form or email us Theadoptionsocial@gmail.com